First there was the Community Wheel of Fortune [Video], a mash-up of sterile corporatization with entities like Stunkin’ Dobucks, Chase Blank, CVS Duane Raid, Denny McSubwhop and, of course, 7-Eleven. Kids from the neighborhood spun the wheel to convert these ubiquitous chain stores into neighborhood-friendly local businesses. They each won a new Stop 7-Eleven pin. Localujah!
Then there were the plays! In Converting NYC Bodegas to 7-Elevens [Video], a spokeswoman from 7-Eleven comes all the way to New York City from Texas with the help of her “corporate app map app” and speaks to a local bodega owner about converting his bodega to a shiny new 7-Eleven! The local bodega owner is shocked to learn his store is a “target” because the East Village is “underserved.” (He’s also puzzled by the spokeswoman’s interest in the North Village!)
The 7-Eleven spokeswoman explains the conversion process: The 7-Eleven corporate headquarters in the great state of Texas will subsidize the bodega turned 7-Eleven until all the local competition is dead, then eliminate any excess like, for example, the bodega owner’s new 7-Eleven franchise! What a plan!
In the other plays, 7-Eleven threatens to bring their own local color to the neighborhood, bright orange, green and red, make a failed attempt at slam poetry, “Roses are Dead! Violets Suck! Indy Stores are Shit Outta Luck!,” and brag about their 48,000 locations worldwide. What culture! Unfortunately there was no mentioned of the infamous 7-Eleven mashed potato vending machine.
You can watch a roundup of the afternoon’s festivities here.