7-Eleven’s Doritos Loaded – A Dirty Bomb For Your Mouth

If you’ve ever wondered what a dirty bomb might taste like, the opportunity presents itself this Summer in the form of 7-Eleven’s Doritos Loaded – a chemical-laced, culinary atrocity attempting to pass itself off as a snack food.

What exactly are Doritos Loaded you ask? They are 4 triangle shaped pieces of “cheese” breaded in Doritos dust and sold for $1.99 at participating 7-Elevens around the country. They are microwaved on-demand to room temperature by employees at the time of purchase. Chemicals are hard at work trying to trick your senses into believing you are eating real cheese, salt, pepper and other unidentifiable flavors. And the smell? Let’s just say this Summer when you’re trapped in the city and suffering a string of 90+ degree days, the putrid smell of festering garbage has worthy competition.

It isn’t hard to imagine a boardroom at 7-Eleven filled with employees mocking their customers and asking things like, “Next to making our customers eat actual feces, what’s the most disgusting thing we can legally make them ingest?” The answer of course would be Doritos Loaded.

Related

All Shock, No Awe: 7-Eleven’s Doritos Loaded, Reviewed [Deadspin]
7-Eleven Introduces Doritos’ Most Disgusting Snack Food Ever [Ad Rants]
Doritos Loaded review in one word: Ick [Lehigh Valley]
New Doritos Fast Food Monstrosity Embarks on Free Sample Tour [Time]

Meanwhile on Twitter…

“We’re aspiring to be more of a food and beverage company, and that aligns with what the consumer now wants, which is more tasty, healthy, fresh food choices,” said Joseph M. DePinto, the chief executive of 7-Eleven.

Source

Junk Food Extravaganza at 7-Eleven 171 Madison Ave

7-Eleven spokesperson Margaret Chabris sure has some explaining to do!

For months Chabris has been talking about New York City’s “underserved”  neighborhoods and how she and her Texas-based 7-Eleven chains are going to bring healthier food options to NYC –  as if Manhattan is some third-world country in need of fresh food and drinking water. Walking past this 7-Eleven at 171 Madison Avenue today, we couldn’t help but notice the cornucopia of junk food being advertised in the window. Mini Tacos! Pizza! More Mini Tacos! More pizza! It’s almost as healthy looking as the 7-Eleven website and their nifty new junk food app!

To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with pizza or tacos. But as 7-Eleven plans an additional 100 locations for Manhattan, the reason for the invasion, they claim, is New York City is “underserved” and they are bringing healthy eating options to us. Is there any neighborhood in Manhattan currently facing a pizza shortage? Is pizza considered healthy? So far the only thing 7-Eleven has done is push out local business and create a crime-friendly corner of urban blight. The corporate talk and the reality of what’s taking place doesn’t add up.

7-Eleven’s Identity Crisis: Health Food Nuts or Junk Food Huts?

As 7-Eleven bulldoze their way into New York City, their PR machine is hard at work trying to reinvent the Texas-based cigarette/gas/beer chain as some type of healthy eating oasis for our “underserved” neighborhoods. No small feat considering 7-Eleven is synonymous with KFC bucket-sized sodas, perpetually rotating hot dogs and mashed potatoes served from a vending machine.

But what they tell the press and what they market through their website, social media accounts and that awful junk food app are two completely different things.

On the 7-Eleven website, a majority of the products featured are unhealthy to say the least: sugary energy drinks, Mountain Dew soda and unidentifiable fried things.

The 7-Eleven Facebook page isn’t much better. Of the 15 items shown, only 2 of them – water and fruit – are healthy.

If you’re looking to slip into a sugar coma, look no further than the 7-Eleven Twitter account. Wash down a pile of greasy mini-tacos and a candy bar with a bucket of Big Gulp! SO healthy!

And let’s not forget their GPS junk food locator app!

Of course local bodegas carry some of these items as well but they don’t use junk food and sugar as their main marketing message the way 7-Eleven does. In a time when childhood obesity – and adult obesity for that matter – is on the rise, do we really need 7-Eleven’s junk food shacks on every corner? Don’t our neighborhoods deserve better?

Diabetes? There’s a 7-Eleven App for That!

If you’re searching for your next sugar high 7-Eleven has an app for that! While 7-Eleven’s PR machine is busy talking about the new fresh foods they offer, their Twitter account is talking sugar. Massive amounts of sugar.

The Texas-based 7-Eleven is desperate to reinvent themselves as a purveyor of healthy eating options, especially as they push their way into Manhattan, but the truth is they are all about junk food. A recent tweet by 7-Eleven offers a free Snickers candy bar to people willing to download the 7-Eleven app. To save you the time of downloading an app geared towards the sophisticated palates of young kids and stoners, the 7-Eleven app is nothing more than a store locator with large ads for junk food like donuts, chips, soda, caramel cube coffee, hot chocolate and cookies. “Refresh. Restore. Revitalize.” Regurgitate!

The junk food app contradicts the healthy new image 7-Eleven wants so badly to cultivate. In a recent article on The Global Fruit, a website nobody has heard of, 7-Eleven talks about its “renewed focus on fresh, prepared foods” with packaging and graphics “designed to appeal to Millennial consumers.” No word on who will pay for their insulin.